...reality is an opinion

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Waking Life

Are you a dreamer? I haven't seen too many of you around lately. Things have been tough lately for dreamers. They say dreaming is dead and no one does it anymore. It's not dead, it's just been forgotten, removed from our language. Nobody teaches it, so nobody knows it exists. The dreamer is banished to obscurity. Well, I'm trying to change all that, and I hope you are too.....by dreaming, everyday. Dreaming with our hands and dreaming with our minds. Our planet is facing the greatest problems it's ever faced...ever. So, whatever you do, don't be bored. This is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive, and things are just starting.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

define yourself

everybody is lonely. Most people pretend they are not. Some actually believe they are not lonely. These are usually the people you see at the raging parties acting like fools with a large group of other fools. Loneliness is a natural state of consciousness. Remember ignorance truly is bliss. The few who are in tune with the universe realize that they are indeed unique and that there is no-one who can truly understand their thoughts. In other words lonliness is the burden of the enlightened. It is the cross all intelligent people are FORCED to bear. The question is would you rather be ignorant and not FEEL lonely or intelligent and aware? You my friend are in line with all the great poets, philosophers, and artists. Pain gives character, character leads to charisma, and charisma leads to self fulfillment. A conscious being that has evolved complex means to deal with the everlasting struggle of life can never be truly happy but they can find comfort in discovering their place in the world. That may seem a long way off and all I say may seem distant and abstract but take comfort in knowing that ALL intelligent humans struggle with intense lonliness. Only the ignorant FEEL happy (indeed they are not). This response to your post will not make you happy but I hope it will help you feel less isolated. I was directed to this site by typing "i'm lonely" into my search engine. I do not suffer from Tourette's but I am lonely none the less. We all have our own demons to face every day. The key is to do just that, face them every day, with pride and confidence. Happiness is a futile pursuit sold on beer and car commercials. the reality is that we are all fragile little children posing as strong adults. The ones who pose best are merely the biggest fakers. This girl you like is no doubt as lonely as you are. She just does't show it.. Would you show your lonliness if you had a choice? All people are lonly by nature, this is why we yearn to be loved. I hope this response helps you. Always remember that you have the power to make the world a better place even if you do not have the power to make yourself "happy." Follow you heart when your head can not find the answer. Wake up tommorrow and do it again. That is the life we all lead despite what the movies portray. It is normal to be lonely!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Suprisingly Shallow Depth

Its your eyes that I
recognize.
But your face disturbs me because you are not you.
I try to stop screaming so I dont wake up
try to keep my focus on your energy.
But everything is turning white now and this reality
is losing its
delicate
balance.

Find me another time if you can.
And when the stars begin to fall from the sky
again,
I will not succomb to fear
but will stay around and watch the matter that is me
unattach
and float away to wherever it is
they go.

We're closer than we
think...

Thursday, September 22, 2005

My Hand Was Vibrating?




In one of the lucid dreaming books I am reading, it has been observed that waking early, staying up for a couple hours, then going back to sleep can be more likely to trigger a lucid dream. That is what I did this morning, but not intentionally for the purpose of having a lucid dream. I was up about 5:30 am because my kid was up, then went back to sleep around 8:00 because his mother got up.

I was asleep on the couch, and across from me was my fiance holding the kid. I came into a sort of sleep paralysis state, but anymore I do not become panicked. I often slip back into a dream state that I confuse for my waking state. Lately, I have not been becoming aware that this pseudo-awake state is a dream.

When it happened this morning, I could see her and my kid on the chair. I believed that I did actually open my eyes and see them for maybe a second, then slipped back into a highly aware dream state. I was trying to raise my hand to get her attention and kind of mess around with her, because at the time I thought I was in a sleep paralysis state and actually making my body do these things in reality for her to see. Looking back, I realize this movement was all a dream - in reality I was lying still asleep on the couch.

When I raised my hand, I could feel a vibrational energy. I have felt this vibrational energy before, but it is usually very chaotic and unpleasant, and felt throughout my entire body in a sleep paralysis state. But this time I could feel it in my hand when I raised it, and it wasnt unpleasant.

Next, I used both hands and raised them in the air, palms facing each other. I could feel the energy vibrating, controllably, in the area between my hands. If I pulled my hands farther apart, the energy would increase. I would do this, increase the energy to a higher level, then "let go". When I did this, something happened. I for some reason cant recall the full details of the effect, but I do remember it made me feel very good and more aware in the dream state, and also changed my surroundings into more of a dream state. From what I remember I did this at least a couple of times.

One of the strange things about this experience is, that when it was actually happening I remember enjoying the way the energy would "charge me", but it wasnt amazing or suprising to me that I could do this. It wasnt amazing to me until I actually woke up and looked back on what happened.

The way I woke up was finding myself in another aware sleep paralysis state, and moaning a weird noise that I am actually able to make audible in waking reality. I intentionally do this as a signal for my fiance to wake me up - ive done it numerous times before and when I do she knows what is going on with me and to wake me up. She thinks Im a complete nut case though.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Peace, Love, and Understanding


As I walk through this wicked world,
Searching for light in the darkness of insanity,
I ask myself, Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain, and hatred, and misery?

And each time I feel like this inside,
There's one thing I wanna know,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

And as I walked on through troubled times,
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes,
So where are the strong?,
And who are the trusted?,
And where is the harmony?,
Sweet harmony

'Cause each time I feel it slipping away,
just makes me wanna cry,
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?


[original lyrics by Elvis Costello,
beautifully re-recorded by Perfect Circle]
PLAY SONG


Friday, August 19, 2005


Are you a dreamer? I haven't seen too many of you around lately. Things have been tough lately for dreamers. They say dreaming is dead and no one does it anymore. It's not dead, it's just been forgotten, removed from our language. Nobody teaches it, so nobody knows it exists. The dreamer is banished to obscurity. Well, I'm trying to change all that, and I hope you are too.....by dreaming, everyday. Dreaming with our hands and dreaming with our minds. Our planet is facing the greatest problems it's ever faced...ever. So, whatever you do, don't be bored. This is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive, and things are just starting.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Da Vinci on Dreaming


"The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake."

Leonardo Da Vinci


First Sleep Paralysis Experience

The first sleep paralysis experience that I recall occured about 9 years ago, when I was 16 or 17 years old. I still lived at home then, and I had a bedroom with a twin bed in the corner, arranged so one side of the bed was flush with the wall. I don't recall taking any drugs the night before, with the exclusion that I smoked a lot of weed every day and night during this period. This experience happened in the early morning hours, right before I woke up. I note this fact because most of the time sleep paralysis occurs very shortly after I fall asleep.

My memory of this event begins as my point of conscious seemed to be out of my body, near the opposite corner of the room from where I was sleeping in my bed. It seemed as if I had been communicating with others, because the first thing I remember is "someone" (some other conscious?) exclaiming "who the fuck is that?!"

Almost instantly, I was back in my body in a state of sleep paraylisis. To my left, where I was facing, was the doorway to my room - about 10 feet away. And standing in the doorway was another human being. I was frightened beyond words, and could not look at the being for long. For the couple of seconds which I did look, the figure was a tall man dressed in clean,long- draping white cloth (kind of what I imagine someone may have dressed like from the times of ancient Greece). The man had very long hair, in a sort of thick dreadlocks hairstyle; some were colored reddish-brown and some were colored blonde-white.

I was in such a disturbed panic that I quickly turned my head to the right, where I was facing the wall. I was trying to wake up, but realized the only thing I could do was move my head side-to-side. I was trying to yell for someone, trying to scream as loud as I could, but couldn't make any sound. During this panic, I did observe my room. It was exactly the same room, except a sort of glow coming from everything. The walls of my room are painted white, but I had drawn grafitti type designs all over them in with faint, neon-colored blacklight sensitive crayon. It were these designs on the wall that seemed to glow the most noticablly. One design in particular was on the wall very close to my face, and it seemed to glow mystically with a slow-swirling light.

Although I wish I had found the courage to look back at the figure standing in the doorway, I continued to avoid looking in that direction. I struggled and panicked for several minutes until I finally was able to wake up. I sat up promptly, and was feeling disturbed as if I had just escaped from a huge struggle. Except for the glowing, everything was still as it had been in the sleep state, even the amount of light coming into the room from the morning slightly-overcast sky.

Since this experience, I have gone on to have countless numbers of intriguing experiences including many lucid dreams, some out of body experiences, sleepwalking and awakening in a panicked state, and several more episodes of sleep paralysis. None of myother sleep paralysis experiences, however, have had such a distinct figure present.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Our Place and Time - a quote

I believe that the lucid dreaming, sleep paralysis, and OBE events that I've experienced have provided the inspiration and insight to become enlightened to the fact that there is so much more to our minds and to our existence than is realized and taught by our modern culture. I feel as though the masses of people on this planet are walking through life asleep to these beautiful ideas. I believe, now more than ever, that people must somehow snap out of the day to day routines that have been programmed into their minds, WAKE UP, THINK FOR THEMSELVES, AND TRULY START LIVING!

The following is a quote from Timothy Leary which was also included on a Tool album. I find it an inspiration for thought.

Think for yourself. Question authority.

Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality.

To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.

Think for yourself.
Question authority.


Monday, August 15, 2005

Wavelengths of Perception

The human sense of sight is capable of seeinig light in the wavelength range of roughly 400 - 700 nanometers. However, a much broader wavelength range of light actually exists. Some of these wavelengths that are not viewable can still have some effects on the body (i.e. burns). Likewise, the human ears are capable of detecting only a small range of sound wavelengths (usually measured by frequency), and a near infinite range of sound waves also exist.

This leads me to the idea that several "wavelengths" (or levels) of consciousness could possibly exist, however only a small range may be detected by human perception. If this were true, it seems the levels that are perceived may be altered by drugs or while in a dream state.

Taking this idea a step further, one could speculate that an entire range of levels of existence exist, only a small portion of which are able to be percieved within the state of human consciousness. It seems a fitting idea that this perception level is altered while in a lucid dream state.

Ideas on Death, Perception and Awareness

Recently there was a tragic death in my family. My soon to be brother-in-law (and good friend of 5 years) suffered a brain anneurysm that basically exploded inside his brain and flooded it with blood. He was 24 years old.

Being one of 3 siblings in an extremely close family, an intense shock tore through the family and quickly set in with a seemingly infinite sadness. Within a few days after his death, several strange coincidences have occured - enough to grab my interest. You see, it is part of my human mind set to initially question these coincidences as mere chance, or to disregard them on account of the fact that this desparate family is looking for answers or meanings in anything they can latch on to. But again, enough events occured to such an enlightening degree that my spirituallity overtook my urge to develop a logical reasoning for these.

One event in particular was a duo of dreams that occured. I do not know these people to be frequent lucid dreamers, or even to be aware of the subject. This is only speculation though, because the subject had never been discussed between us.

The first dream was experienced by the aunt (sister of the mother) of my soon to be brother-in-law (I'll call him B). She recalled to the family that B had been there in a very vivid dream wearing a football jersey. She asked B what he is doing here, and he explained that usually in heaven they don't let you come back down, but they did because everyone was so sad. She asked what heaven was like, and he said it's allright, but they make him play hockey and cook, and they make him go to bed early. That was where the dream ended.

When B's sister, my fiance, heard this recollection, she was immediately intrigued. She knew, but didn't think the aunt would know for any reason, that B hated the sport of hockey, and never liked to cook. He also never wore football jerseys as he really disliked the look of them, and loved to party so rarely, if ever, went to bed early.

A few days later, the girlfriend of one of the best friend's of B was visiting with the grieving family and had had a dream she wished to share. She was not around the family all the time, and had not heard the recollection of the dream by the aunt.

In her dream, B was with her in a very vivid experience. He said to her basically the same thing, that he was able to come back down from heaven because everyone was so sad, but usually this wasn't allowed ot happed. She asked what had happened to him, and he said that he was trying to get his spirit back in his body but couldn't, then he tripped and his grandfather grabbed him. His grandfather had passed away about a year-and-a-half before, and the two of them had always been very close as B was the first grandchild.

What makes me particularally interested in this coincidence is one sleep-related experience I had 5 or 6 years ago. I was in a phase of my youth where I took pain pills quite a bit, mainly because I liked the effects of them. One night while at a house party of a girl I had begun dating, we had access to a lot of vicoden and percocet, among other pain killers. I took several pills that night, way more than I had ever taken before, along with which I was drinking alcohol.
When I went to sleep that night I was in the finished basement of a friend's house, sleeping on the floor with the new girlfriend. I remember that just before I fell asleep, there was a strange glow and slight vibration to everything I could see in the dim light. What seemed like almost immediately after I fell asleep, I entered a state of very vivid conscienceness. In this state all my surroundings were just as they were in waking reality, except the glow and vibration of everything had somewhat intensified. The best way to describe what was happening is that my perception was somewhere above where my body was laying on the ground, like some sort of out of body experience. I (in this out of body type state) was being unwillingly pulled upward and away by some strong force. I was trying with all my energy to pull away from this force, back towards my body. I remember struggling for some time, if I had to guess I would say it was around 5 minutes. I do remember during some periods there was a very intense and unpleasant vibration, similiar to that I sometimes sense when experiencing a sleep paralysis episode. Eventually, I was able to break free of the force then instantly wake up from this sleep episode to find myself quickly sitting up, back in by body. Immediately after, I was very troubled and woke up the girl sleeping next to me. I briefly explained what had happened, she didnt understand but she helped me get back to sleep. Nothing else unusual happened as I then slept through the night.

It was this experience of mine that made me really feel like I understand what was said in the dream where B told the friend that he had been trying to get his spirit back into his body but couldn't, then tripped and was grabbed by his grandfather. I will never forget this very real struggle to bring myself - my conscience and/or my spirit - back into my body. I feel that if I would have given in during the struggle that I would have been grabbed away from my body. I give serious consideration to the idea that this could have been a near-death experience due to the outrageous amount of pain pills I had taken and mixed with alcohol that night.

On a seperate and interesting note, the first time B and I ever met, we had a conversation on out of body experiences. He began with telling me about an experience he had after falling asleep from a night of taking alot of exstacy. He slept at his grandmas house, but had left his body and was moving around the telephone wires outside her house. He said the experience was disturbing enough for him to quit taking the drug. I shared some sleep paraylisis experiences, and we both agreed that this was some sort of subject that could be studied as a science.